underground crazy world of jokes

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In 1272, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea, by taking the intestine out of the goat first. I hope you appreciate this history update.

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cosy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said "This is from the gentleman who is seated over there" and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.

The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'.

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages. I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches... just send the wine back…

A young Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest "I'm pregnant". He asked "How did this happen, my child?"

She said "I think it must be the second coming". The priest, shocked by this reply asked "What makes you think this has anything to do with the Second Coming?"

She replied "Because I swallowed the first one..."

One day Nomthandazo wanted to bake a cake, bt she ran out of eggs so she went to her usual store emakhaya as she walked in, the owner, Muzikayifani was there nd she asked him for a dozen eggs.

She went back home nd baked da cake. To her suprise da eggs were roten(abolile), so she went back 2 da store nd dis tym Muzikayifani wasnt there bt his wife Ntombi was there.

Nomthandazo approached her nd said: uyazi amaqanda wendoda abolile? Ntombi obviously shocked nd upset said: wazi kanjani? Nomthandazo said woza uzonuka ikhekhe lami!

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"
The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?". Harry: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and teacher, "I think Harry can go to the third grade." The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment, "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Pockets."
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants"
Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of hot excitement?" Harry: "Fire truck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth grade. Hell, I missed the last four questions myself."

Husband says to wife: "Your bum looks like a braai stand".

Wife gets offended and goes to sleep.

At night the husband politely asks: "Sweetie, don't you feel like
making love?

Wife says: "Do you expect me to light the braai stand just for a
small piece of wors?

haha

I asked a friend to get hold of some Viagra for me as I had a hot date,

I saw him a couple of days later and he asked how I'd got on.

"Amazing" I said "ten times... ten times!" "You're lucky you didn't break your back!" he replied. "My back? I'm lucky I didn't break my fucking wrist. She never showed up!"

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a Party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.' The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.' The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best Universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multi millionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.' The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the rest room and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?' One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?' The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.' The three friends said: 'What a shame...what a disappointment.' The fourth man replied: 'No, I ' m not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet, and a Mercedes from his 3 boyfriends...