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A young man called Darren invited his mother for dinner, during the course
of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Darren's
flatmate, Simon, was. She had long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Darren and his flatmate than
met the eye. Reading his mum's thoughts, Darren volunteered, 'I know what
you must be thinking, but I assure you, Simon & I are just
flatmates'.

About a week later, Simon came to Darren saying, 'Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose
she took it do you?' 'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be
sure' said Darren. So he sat down and wrote:

DEAR MOTHER,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN. BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER. LOVE DARREN

Several days later, Darren received an email from his mother which read:

DEAR SON,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH SIMON, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH SIMON, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF HE WAS SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FUCKING FRYING PAN BY NOW.

LOVE MUM