Blogs

Letters not sent,
words not said


How many times have you written a letter to a loved one that you had a fight with because you didn’t have the courage to face him/her? How many times have you written that letter and not mailed it or given it to the one you wish to reveal your heart to? I am sure all of us have done that at least once in our lives, and the funny thing is that those very letters unsent are the ones that we most wanted the person to read. How many years have we wished to have that change over again, because if we did mail the letter then our whole life would have been different. That is the issue that bothers us most, what if? Yes, what if, how would my life be different?

Well, your whole life can be different by starting to act on your feelings and set your hearts free without fear of rejection. It will affect every aspect of our lives and turn it around to where we are not cowardly but courageous. That is the difference, that is the key and that is what this book is about.

I hope that you all will find a part of yourselves in this book and relate to it with honesty and an open mind. It is written about me and my life and the way that I have handled issues throughout my entire life up until now. I started writing because I no longer am a coward, this is my first step and you too can do it!!

I will be using the feminine to make it easier to read instead of him/her or his/hers for it makes reading fun and easy which is exactly what a story should make you feel, not feel heavy and serious because it is about changes and self help because it is not about changing who you are or that there is something wrong with you. This is a story, my story that I share with all of you to reveal the truth about worth, respect and love.

Enjoy my story because it is your story too.

Li
Capt Ex-Coward




Unsent letters

Wakulla County Jail Monday, 21 August 2006

There are some things, situations, circumstances that just cannot be explained away through the usual rational thinking process. No matter how many different angles you look at it from, nothing seems to make sense. It is a hopeless case not worth burning the brain up over nor wasting the time to pursue it. THIS is one of those times.

As I sit here waiting to be deported, all my papers signed by the Immigration Judge, passport in order and valid, photos taken, fingerprints given, I wonder why I need to do extra time upon my already served sentence of 19 months and 11 days. It has been 2 weeks and still I sit here in a void of this system, just a number, without the knowledge of how much longer it will be … no date to look forward to … it all seems so hopeless.

Each Monday and Wednesday it seems that they send some of us out, yet another Monday has passed … and nothing! The excitement, along with the hope to leave every Sunday and Tuesday night is giving my jaws a hard time, never mind my heart and nerves … only to be let down one again. I am feeling the darkness.

It is creeping up on me … I am starting to stare off into space. Nothingness … no longer with a sparkle in my eye … no more longingly … just … staring … unable to focus on here and now … it all seems so … white … sterile … without texture … so … flat … cold … dreary … no colour … flavours … warmth … I need to leave.

I pray constantly … it is a running and continuous thought of Creator … please release me … let me go home … I said that I give Creator my faith … that all things happen at the right time … still … I feel abandoned … here comes that VOID again … I know that I must cling to all that gives me hope … but I am a realist … no longer naïve … just being real … I feel this way … there is no denying it … no reason to … for no ones benefit … I am alone in this … and alone I shall overcome … at my own pace … I shall walk ahead … I know … know that it lies ahead … I push without force … it is more like a pulse … it moves me forward by itself … this is called … life … my life!!